All opinions valid and appreciated, so please critique away. Thank you.
https://www.reverbnation.com/harbingerroad/song/34377002-the-path
The Path
(V1)
I see the light
Lamp growing dim
Try not to fight
Don’t try to win
Impending doom
Felt deep inside
Biding my time
Nowhere to hide
(Chorus)
Nervous in life
Solace in fate
Ending too soon
No time to wait
Things so small
Perceived as grand
Filters removed
All slight of hand
(V2)
Hearts are broken
But they will mend
Life is for living
This too must end
Learning and growing
Through joy and pain
Realized creation
With wisdom to gain
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
The meaning of life
A lesson to teach
Through pain and strife
The stars you will reach
I’ll tell you a secret
It’s not over my friend
There may be some darkness
But it’s not the end
(V3)
No pride or ego
To win the day
Hopes and dreams
Have fallen away
The final solution
Can be your friend
No bitter conclusion
Nor painful end
(Chorus)
Comments
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I can legitimately be accused of someone whose songs tend to wax lyrically, (at least wax).
I'm not a fan of short lines. In my mind the less the better.
I approached your song with that prejudice but determined to give it a fair go.
I'm glad I did because I enjoyed it very much. Your presentation was very good, lovely.
On the music side, I can only comment in layman's terms, I liked that too!
I think your better than you give yourself credit for.
Please keep posting, personally I'd like to hear you do a ballad,
Sid
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A little contrast might help your song. Perhaps a different structure for the chorus or bridge, or change of musical style.
I like the short, clipped, poetic lines in general though.
Your title is "The Path", but you don't use many path related metaphors, so there might be an option there. Though the overall subject of the song is clearly related to the path beyond death.
Re the recording; the guitar sounds hard-panned left to me, and the vocal is a little unclear, perhaps back off the reverb a little? But as a work tape it is fine, and you sing well.
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Thank you for your comments Sid. In truth I don’t have a lot of confidence in what I’m doing here. I greatly appreciate feedback because I’m very new to all of this. I used to sing in band but I didn’t play and only in the last few years discovered my love for writing. That’s driven me to learn to play because I have a binder full of things I’ve written that I’m anxious to turn into something. It’s funny you would mention ballad, because I do have those. I think you may have heard the a cappella posting I put up of “The Master of Hiding“? This was An intentional attempt to go another direction with some short, succinct lines, but I definitely have ball material too. Thank you.0
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Thank you RDM for your comments. The recording demonstrates my amateurish abilities when it comes to recording. Something I definitely need to work on so I appreciate your feedback. I think you’re right, some contrast to add some interest would definitely be good. I’ve only been playing guitar for about the last seven or eight months so this really speaks to the lack of diversity in my music. But I’m very committed and I play every night so this will get better. Fair point on the title, but I do find myself intentionally titling things based on the overall concept rather than any one particular thing that is stated. I appreciate you taking the time to help me. Thank you.0
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No problem! Any comments from me, are simply: have you thought about X? and clearly with the title, you have!
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First, the recording. As has been pointed out already, the guitar is panned hard left whereas the vocal seems to be doiubled and split left and right somewhow. If anything, I would have done the exact opposite, keeping the vocals central and clearer with the single acoustic guitar made to sound fuller by being doubled. As it stands the vocal isn't clear to my old ears. I've no real critisism about the song itself, though I too think that it needs a bit more contrast.😀
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Thank you Chris. It's always nice to get out of your bubble and get another perspective outside of yourself, so I appreciate your comments very much. I think a lot of my lack of diversity speaks to my very rudimentary guitar skills. I'm still very new to playing, so hopefully as I continue to progress in my playing, I can add some interest to what I'm trying to create. My recording abilities are just as amateurish, if not more so. These are both goals that I will continue to work on, and your comments help to reinforce that and keep me focused so thank you.
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