Last Song
Writing in a genre I don't usually work in - 90s R&B
SUNO: https://suno.com/song/2d62b209-f4e7-4631-9ca1-5567edb0225e
LAST SONG
Seems you wanna confess
Got a whole lotta things to get off your chest
You say you wanna make a change
Guess that explains why you been treatin me strange
You talk about making a break
Make a list of all the parts that you can take
Have you been sleeping have you been awake
Is this the first or the last mistake
It just takes so long
To put the words together for the last song
you want to be free
From the breath of a ghost of an old memory
You want a some place to heal
From self-inflicted words as I kneel
And if you can't have everything
You'll take verse and the chorus and all the parts you can't sing
It just takes so long
To put the words together for the last song
(It takes so long)
[Instrumental]
so now I sing for you and for me
I'm reaching out for some harmony (harmony)
You got me feeling like I don't belong
So here I will stay singing the last song
(singing the last song)
Comments
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there is a whole slew of forced rhymes.
Make a list of all the parts that you can take - are these household items. what parts, body parts?.
Have you been sleeping have you been awake - she's undead :)
You want a some place to heal - I think you meant - You want some place to heal, there is an extra a.
And if you can't have everything / You'll take verse and the chorus and all the parts you can't sing - you are essentially saying If you can't have everything... you'll take everything. or is that what you mean.
this sounds more like a foo fighters or grunge song than it does - Boyz II Men, Babyface, TLC, Aaliyah, which is 90's R&B
You might want to read this book - The Songwriting: Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure book by pat pattison.
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I like how this starts. Verse 1 sets things up nicely.
When it gets to:
Have you been sleeping have you been awake
Is this the first or the last mistake
those lines felt a bit weaker - filling rather than adding to what you have.
Could be a chance to insert some other song related reference there. You've got the chorus and harmony phrases worked in there later, but it takes a while to get there. This might be a good spot for something early on.
"From the breath of a ghost of an old memory" I think just "From the ghost of an old memory" might work better there.
I like the last verse too. Starts and ends well, and a very easy listen.
Overall, worthwhile.
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