Murder Blues
Another Suno cover of one of my existing songs. Very happy with how this came out!
Murder Blues
Words & Music Owen Hovenden
Cover by Suno AI: https://suno.com/s/0qbIsn4T47MTrNIQ
Original: https://soundclick.com/song/7373250
Chorus:
Sweet life, Sweet woman
Sweet child, Gone in a moment
Sweet life, Sweet woman
Sweet child, Drawn in a chalk outline
[Verse]
Well there’s gold in the mountains
And there’s pearls in the sea
But a low down man, with a shotgun in his hand
Took the only thing that matters to me
Chorus
[Verse 2]
Well there’s violence in the alleys
And there’s drug deals in the street
In the local five and dime, there's a robbery going wrong
And all hell breaking loose at my feet
Chorus
[Verse 3]
Well there’s judgement in the courthouse
And there’s justice in the street
And a simple plan, revenge upon a man
Is the only thing remaining of me
Chorus
Comments
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love the bass on the original. lyrics are great. Fits Blues style. Story is good, perhaps Baba yaga is coming. or Liam Neeson. either way don't want to be on the receiving end.
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Love the chorus, it's catchy and the bluesy sound in both the original and cover.
A few of things that stand out to me, and this is my own
In the last line of the chorus, maybe "gone to the grave" instead of chalk-outline, would make it more bluesy
in the first verse, I think if you remove "with" and "his" makes the line punchier - a shotgun in hand.
In the 2nd verse seems grammatically off - theres are robbery going wrong, - might sound better as "a holdup's gone wrong"
Also, you're mixing tenses, in the first verse it's past, then you jump to present in the 2nd, if the woman had died in the robbery, that event happened,
[Verse 2]
There’s drug deals in the alleys
There's violence on the streets
At the five and dime, a holdup's gone wrong
There's blood at his feet
I think in the 3rd verse if you drop the filler words, "well", and "and", then replace "remaining" with "left" so that it reads -
There’s judgement in the courthouse
There’s justice in the street
Got a simple plan, revenge upon a man
Is all that’s left of me
wouldn't verse 3 be better as an outro since it's the resolution, I could be wrong on that.
I think the song's ending would have greater impact if you used the first two lines of the chorus and ended on "Gone in a moment., or
[Chorus 2]
Sweet life, sweet woman
Good lord's taken her away
keeps the blues vibe :)
You still have a way of telling a story, that I envy.
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Kinda reminds me of the Cartels , They'll kill men women and children and not blink . Zero empathy zero conscience
Sounds good man
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Nice blues song - I think some very minor lyrical adjustments -
Example:
Well there’s violence in the alleys
And there’s drug deals in the street
May read better as:
And there's dealers in the street
And would it be more powerful to say
There’s judgement in the courthouse
There’s NO justice in the street
This is a really nice track
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Thanks all! Some great feedback there! Lots to ponder. I may not repost a new version, but I will definitely be looking at all those suggestions, and intend to use at least some of them. Thank you all for checking out the details and sharing your thoughts. It's what I love about this place!
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I read it as Street justice, and this guy is going to be a vigilante. Which I took as this guy isn't going to wait for the court house, he's going to take it into his own hands. I'd feel the same way if some rando killed my family because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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@MuskieBait44 Yep, you read it right. That's exactly the meaning.
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Yeah, a Colt 45 solves a lot of problems... Nice one Owen
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Howdy, Stranger!