Even to me
I am preparing a new song and this idea came to my mind. I made it with phrases that don't rhyme
but I felt a rhythm inside me.
Then, when I make the music... we'll see hahaha
Any suggestions will be welcome, I'm still ignorant. Thank you!
What I find while I seek my way
always surprises me
even if it is something expected
People and situations
places that seem strange
despite having been lived
phrases, words, intentions,
desires and frustrations,
longings, dreams, sighs,
a mixture of vapors
that lodges
in the nose
and weaves
the fantasy
of memory
because what I lose
while I seek my way
creates emotions in me
that make me different
secret
even to me
Comments
-
@MoraAmaroLaLoba I think your lyrics are very thought-provoking. Lyrics are always best when they leave a lot to one's imagination, and you do a great job writing in that style! I don't see the need to change anything. I look forward to your completed song and video soon. 😀
Cheers,
Joseph
1 -
It is your style and works as icy said, leaves it open to interpretation and imagination.
1 -
Please excuse my own ignorance and lack of experience in your chosen style and format.
My comments should be taken in that light, but meant in good faith.
I read your lyrics 3 or 4 times and I'm going by sense rather than detail.
I like your use of words and the flow, it carries you along smoothly.
Till I reach:
a mixture of vapors
that lodges
in the nose
This phrase I would lose or change to something like;
the scents of which,
linger on the senses
As I say, I'm out of my depth, so take it under advisement.
Sid
1 -
Gracias Joseph.
The nose is the instrument to open the book of memory and memory is dressed in a lot of fantasy hahaha
0 -
Language is a wonderful tool, useful for any type of situation but it also can create interpretations... Here we have to be careful, know what our emotional filters are. Thank you so much for reading, thinking? and commenting. @prysmatyk
0 -
Hola Sid, gracias!!!! Thank you so much for your suggestions from your perspective but I think they change what I see and portray here.
For me, life is a cook, pure alchemy, everything is chemistry, vapours... and the nose is the door to memory, an incredible storehouse of memories that are awakened by smelling its drawer and that are often dressed by fantasy.
I don't know if I'm expressing myself correctly... My English is poor.
I really appreciate the time you've spent thinking about this.
Hasta luego
0 -
I have trouble helping you here Mora. I love what you do, but your style is so unique that I can't really emulate it.
My only suggestion is to try putting yourself physically into an environment that will stimulate the senses. In this case maybe a kitchen or a restaurant, close your eyes and let it fill your senses.
1 -
@MoraAmaroLaLoba As a fellow epicurian I will dive deeper into what @RainyDayMan said:
I your kitchen as you're making whatever food it is, immerse yourself into the act of it.
Grind out every little detail. Think it, see it, smell it, taste it and most importantly, digest it.
Let all of this come to a strong simmer in your mind and soul.
You'll find exactly the right flavorings for your meal/song.
I've done this in my poetry and it works well.
Hope it made sense to you and helps as well1
![[Deleted User]](https://thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/applications/dashboard/design/images/defaulticon.png)
Howdy, Stranger!