The Riders Reign - CW/Bluegrass

prysmatyk

So I thought I would try something new for me. I envisioned the end and all it entails, then tried my best to follow the instructions I was given by y'all (southern drawl) to write this piece.

I intended to have spoken word in the shorter two liners but ai has a mind of its own, so I'm lucky they were sung at all. Also suno chose to speak the words at the end but cut off the last two words, so I had to cut the part out and try to fade things together. PITA I now feel for you all making and mixing your own tracks. This also was the first time the ai kept the lyrics in order as I had them. A big deal! Also, third verse post generation from suno, I realized the word fear should have replaces the word hear as it fits thematically better to the verse and piece.

I added in the horse sounds as I thought it would be a good effect for the ambiance of the piece but without the narrated parts for effect and maybe a deeper sound I feel it falls flat to where it could be brought.

Overall I am pleased with the lyrics and feel it comprises what you all suggested to improve upon. Let me know what you think?

Audio here: https://youtu.be/m3F4WlquqKM

The Riders Reign

Spoken verse-

When the horsemen ride on their steeds,

It's time to pay for our misdeeds!

Rider comes on his steed of white,

Bow of steel in hand held true.

Years of peace lost to the night,

His conquests rings in anew.

Spoken verse-

From other worlds riders appear,

the darkened skies above won't clear.

Upon a horse so fiery red,

He gallops forth unleashes war.

The world has never felt such dread,

Not much left worth fighting for.

Spoken verse-

Darkness spreads its ebon pall

The writings written on the wall!

A horse of black, a somber sign,

Scales held firm, his judgments clear.

As hunger grows, we're losin' time.

Judgement whispers what we hear.

Spoken verse-

Darkness spreads its ebon pall.

The writings written on the wall!

With pestilence and war at hand,

A horse so pale rides in as death.

Brings us to a barren land,

Reckons our cost of breath.

Spoken verse-

Darkness spreads its ebon pall.

The writings written on the wall!

Woeful from their shadows' loom,

Our soul now theirs to keep.

With every step, we feel their doom,

In our beds we get no sleep.

Spoken verse-

As shadows linger on beds we made,

The shroud of night, pulls down our shade.

The riders came and sowed their wrath,

If you're here,

Your soul God passed.

[Deleted User]

@prysmatyk I like the way you alternate between spoken and sung words in your lyrics. Johnny Cash sometimes did that too! Good job!

I think these were the best lines:

A horse of black, a somber sign,
Scales held firm, his judgments clear.
As hunger grows, we're losin' time.
Judgement whispers what we hear.

Cheers,

Joseph

sidshovel

This is quite good, considering the lyrics still lean towards a poetic format.

I like the way you are experimenting with fx, but in this case I feel too much, dial it back a bit.

Check out Tom Wait's "Heart of Saturday Night" for a balanced use of fx.

All that aside, your work is definitely improving by leaps and bounds.

Well done, keep it up.

Sid

RainyDayMan

I like the horse FX at the start, but if it was me I would fade them out a bit earlier. They immediately set a context, but after that their job is done. If you want to bring them back in later, maybe just do it once.

I can really imagine those spoken lines, like Jeff Wayne in the War of the Worlds.

Good Stuff!

prysmatyk

Appreciate the compliments and critiques it is how I will grow and become better.

Made the changes on the fx @RainyDayMan and it does work much better than the multiple ones I began with. Haven't steered me wrong yet. lol

@sidshovel are you telling me and the world poetry can work in lyrics lol I will always end u with colorful notes decorating my lyrics. It is simply how this mind works.

@icystorm I also enjoy that effect in music and felt this piece would benefit from it almost as the voice from above.

Again, thanks for the words of guidance. Keeping to my poetic nature while honoring one of my favorites, It’s pleasing to be guided by acquaintances towards paths less trodden. lol