Ombra di Morte

prysmatyk

Being it is getting close to the witching hour, I felt compelled to address the holiday season with something dark and foreboding. Hope you all enjoy it.

For those who wish to hear it. https://youtu.be/DKPN2yQ-Ktk

Ombra di Morte

Verse 1

The silent whisper calls your name,

Beckoning to end wicked games.

The night it creeps into your room,

Do not fear that ebon gloom.

Chorus

Ombra di Morte, the shadows creep,

Embrace the dark, let go of light,

In the silence, your secrets steep.

In the stillness, you’ll lose this fight.

Verse 2

Your time is near, Ombra calls,

Wafting through your quiet hall.

To lead you to a darkened place,

Where light can’t brighten up your face.

Bridge

Your skin will wither, flesh will rot,

When Morte takes you in his lot.

Death is near for you, so pray,

This shall be your last full day.

Chorus

Ombra di Morte, the shadows creep,

Embrace the darkness, let go of light,

In the silence, your secrets steep.

For in the stillness, you’ll lose this fight.

Outro

The silent whisper fades away,

Ombra di Morte claims his prey.

RainyDayMan

The poetic style really fits well with this subject it's a strong match.

You might consider more contrast in your bridge - longer/shorter lines, different rhyming patterns - but it's ok as is.

The AI did a good job on the music too.

Good stuff.

sidshovel

Good song and driving music, well done.

You're listening to the feedback and adjusting, and it shows!

Listen to what RDM advises and modify accordingly.

Once you've got it off pat, then start playing with it!

Your ears are still set in poetry mode, which is why your line lengths are too consistent.

Force yourself to make each section type different, till it becomes ingrained.

Good job

Sid

prysmatyk

Sadly after over 40 years of writing poetry my brain is in poetry mode with a consistency that would turn any song into a Dr Seuss rhythm. Haha