Cards - More Free Words
Written as a critique of our society and the disparities between the masses and classes.
As always take it and make use of it.
No acknowledgement or copyright requirements for its use.
Interoffice politics,
backroom deals revealed.
Rewarding all who lie,
the best who cheat and steal.
Majority of folks struggling,
striving just for rent,
while high society has,
all our money spent.
Living off of credit cards,
robbing Peter, paying Paul.
This shaken house of cards,
eventually must fall.
The plight is oh so real,
we're standing at a crossroad.
Do we fight, or do we yield,
further we’ll corrode.
Black or white, we’re human beings,
not being human, sadly found.
Night is day, and day is night,
our feelings all around.
The news relays spun narratives,
swaying crowds to not forgive.
And don’t forget the paths we’ve crossed,
we regret the ways we've lost.
In the court our legal scales,
honest men, they end up jailed.
Financial failures, branding a man,
the system’s rigged, it’s part of the plan.
Stab the pig while taking more,
keeping you poor, what's it for?
The plight is oh so real,
we're standing at a crossroad.
Do we fight, or do we yield,
further we’ll corrode.
Comments
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Strong message!
Not sure about "further we'll corrode", that feels a little awkward to me.
But I really liked:
Rewarding all who lie,
the best who cheat and steal.
Ouch!
Having read it, I didn't come away with a particular line or phrase stuck in my head, so it might need a stronger hook.
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As a storyteller and social commentator, I think this is very good. Having said that, RDM's points are valid. If the song's something you wanted to get off your chest then it doesn't matter, whatever works for you!
If you're after sending a message then this song has potential with a bit of structure, a lick of polish a soapbox chorus, you can get it across.
Well done, keep them coming.
Sid
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Thanks for the comments and compliments. It's becoming more obvious that what works lyrically in poetry doesn't always work in lyrics. Still hope someone can find use of this.
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