really said goodbye. lyrics only
[intro]
[break]
[verse 1]
We pretended like we'd meet again tomorrow,
hugs tightened, as we neared our last goodbye.
The suitcases at your side told another story.
I noticed, as the tears formed in your eyes.
[verse 2]
Your China voice, and sparkling eyes,
no more than visions of the past.
Memories like snow they melt,
through the fingers of my grasp.
[chorus]
Your going and I wont see you again,
never hear your laughter, or your cries.
It'll come back to me one day as pain,
the lost moment, to have really said goodbye.
[bridge]
I have all the time in the world,
to reflect on what's gone by.
Regret the things I never did,
and just ask the question, why?
[chorus]
Your going and I wont see you again,
never hear your laughter, or your cries.
It'll come back to me one day as pain,
the lost moment, to have really said goodbye.
[outro]
to have really said goodbye.
said goodbye.
[End to Fade]
additional music and vocals on Soundcloud, Sid Shovel
Comments
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Good strong emotions here, that's important. Good narrative, and I like how v1 gets us straight into the picture and heart of the story.
I like the idea of we pretended we'd meet again versus we actually really said goodbye. That dissonance between reality and facade.
"the lost moment, to have really said goodbye" feels less conversational than the rest of the song. Perhaps something closer to "the last chance to really say goodbye"? What you have sounds more poetic, just depends whether you want to distinguish that phrase stylistically.
The syllable count for lines in verse 1 seems significantly higher than for verse 2 (about an extra 4 per line I think). There's always some wiggle room, but that's potentially going to make it harder to fit against the same music.
I'm unfamiliar with the phrase "China voice". Does that mean something other than someone with a Chinese accent?
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Good call on the syllable count, I should be doing better at that by now, no excuses will change that, thanks.
Sloppiness also creeping in, I did change lost moment to lost chance but copied to post from the original, you can hear the changed version on soundcloud, does sound better.
China voice is a kind of high pitched sound, off an old Tom Waits song, “broken China voice,”, can't remember the name of the song.
Spot on as usual, thanks for that.
Back to work,
Sid
P.S. Your comments on syllable count reminded me of something I was thinking about yesterday.
The piece you wrote Ai Experiment was, by any standard, a success in generating interest and debate, it was topical and at times divisive but rational. 109 views, 44 comments, excellent! Another subject I think worth considering, and certainly would fix a few cracks, would be to do a piece on the full process of songwriting, lyrics to final production. Contributions could be drawn from the forum's members to write a little on their own areas of expertise and experience. The final piece would be an insight for those of us who know little or nothing beyond the words we put on paper, and a great reference guide to those who join the forum.
Food for thought everyone!
Sid
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Well I've always had a thing for Asian women , I'm with RDM , A really said goodbye is not really conversational SId. but its a angle worth pursuing . I would think if your using China girl , you'd want to sprinkle things of asia to prove the point
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Revised Lyrics updated
[Intro, instrumental 8 bars]
[verse 1]
We pretended that we'd meet again,
hugged, as we closed on our goodbye.
The suitcases told another story.
As the tears formed in your eyes.
[verse 2]
Your China voice, and sparkling eyes,
no more than visions of the past.
Memories like snow they melt,
through the fingers of my grasp.
[chorus]
Your going and I wont see you again,
never hear your laughter, or your cries.
It'll come back, to me one day as pain,
the lost chance, to really say goodbye.
[instrumental 8 bars]
[bridge]
I have all the time in the world,
to reflect on time gone by.
Regret the things I never did,
and just ask myself, why?
[chorus]
Your going and I wont see you again,
never hear your laughter, or your cries.
It'll come back, to me one day as pain,
the lost chance, to really say goodbye.
[outro]
to really say goodbye.
[End to Fade]
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Well, the first thing I did was head off to Soundcloud because I just had to check this out! I'm not the best at analyzing lyrics on their own so hearing this set to music was the way. What does that tell me? It tells me that AI is working for you. There you go, I'm getting used to it now! And this is a lovely piece. Your lyrics really paint a picture - they always do. I wasn't familiar with 'China voice' either so the explanation is useful.
As with you other words, I'd like to hear this tackled by another forum member. Your recent collab with Owen is brilliant and I really enjoyed working with you and would do so again.
Yes the 'AI Experiment' thread was excellent. Some strong feelings (from me in particular!), but it was an orderly discussion from which I learned a few things. A similar discussion about the songwriting process would be great. I'd certainly chip in.
😀
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Thank you for those kind words Chris. I, like you, struggle to fully appreciate lyrics "au naturel" so to speak, or in this case, write! I am only using Ai to review and hopefully improve my work. I enjoyed working with Owen a lot, to a non-muso it was an ear-opener. There is so much going on to put music and vocals to words and yet I and I'm sure others know little or nothing! That thought led me to propose writing a piece about the whole process of songwriting but written by the forum members drawing on their own experiences. A kind of catharsis from all that Ai stuff recently.
Thanks again for your thoughts Chris, always a pleasure.
Sid
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now its conversational Sid
China girl is still not supported , But i guess you can get away with it
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Sid, I'll get that thread started for the songwriting process over in the General Information category.
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Oh, well done Owen, I'm hoping it goes some way to easing the minds of those feeling a bit aprehensive by the advent of Ai. I'm sure the regular posters would be happy to share their experiences, insights and tips if you asked them.
Sid
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This is solid -
In the "had a thing for an asian woman" genre, you can't top Year of the Cat lol
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Wonderful song that one! Al Stewart's gone out of fashion but a fabulous songwriter.
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ha ha , right
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Nice story here. I wanted more memories. Substance to support such feelings. My 2cents.0
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Thanks for your feedback guys,
Rob,
I reviewed the song after your comment and I tend to agree with you. Another verse with a bit more substance would improve on it, I'll rejig it and keep that version.
Appreciate the input, a bargain at 2 cents.
Thanks,
Sid
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