A New Life

robcrozier

Hey All,

I'm a newbie here. Just wanted to be a part of a supportive community and see if I can pass on some comments to you all. Here's a song I wrote a few years back. Comments are welcome. Let me know that you can open the link.

https://soundcloud.com/rob-crozier-820155982/a-new-life/s-RWKWEUkt6f3?si=5de6d1ab2b4c4da284c975555f0d8f8d&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

A New Life by Rob Crozier

Love turned my heart today

Fears treading water, at bay 

I’ve traveled round this bend to say

I need you

I’ve lost a piece of me along the way 

My nerves shot, my mind was fraid

Now the spirit has me in it’s sway 

I see you

I try to be a good man, it’s true

As I sit here this thought comes through

Let’s start a new life today 

The vision is inside of me

To find a new way to be 

Oh, dream, be me my destiny

As I wander through   

I’m missing you 

All I try to do 

I do for you

I try to be a good man, it’s true

As I sit here this thought comes through

Let’s start a new life today 

RainyDayMan

Love that rhythm! And the chord sequences are nice too. Has a dreamy sort of feel to it.

I feel like "start a new life" is a bit unclear, because I'm not sure what's changing / what it was like before. It starts with "Love turned my heart today" (love that line!), so maybe the difference is that he wasn't in love before?

"I’ve traveled round this bend to say, I need you" implies to me that he knew her before already. So was he not in love with her at that point?

I like this line too: Fears treading water, at bay 

I like many of the lines, and the overall feel, but the story is a little unclear for me.

robcrozier

Thanks, RainyDayMan. I really appreciate the comments. It supposed to be a song of redemption. Like starting over again with the same person.

I will ponder this!

robcrozier

Possible lyric rewrite:

A New Life by Rob Crozier

Love turned my heart today

Fears treading water, at bay 

A burning in me seems to say 

I feel you

We lost a piece of us along the way 

Memories of love starting to fade

Now the decision has to be made

Oh, how I need you 

I try to be a good man, it’s true

As I sit here this thought comes through

Let’s start a new life today 

This vision is inside of me

We'll find a new way to be 

United in our destiny

As I wander through   

I’m missing you 

All I try to do 

I do for you

I try to be a good man, it’s true

As I sit here this thought comes through

Let’s start a new life today 

sidshovel

Hi Rob,

Go with the rewrite, it flows much better than the original.

Sid

robcrozier

Thank you Sidshovel! I think so too..I feel like the chorus could still pop a little better. We'll see.

ChrisPrice

There's some nice chord work here, and some really nice lyrics too. The vocal could be a little clearer for me - you have a good voice, but I'm guessing that this is work in progress. As it stands this song comes over very well. I enjoyed listening.

robcrozier

Thanks Chris! I'm thinking of capoing up to a better key for my voice. I'll repost when complete. I appreciate your comments.

RainyDayMan

Yep that rewrite works for me! Kudos for being willing to do that. Not everyone wants to go back and rework, but realistically, how often are you going to get it perfect first time?

robcrozier

Thanks, Again RDM, that's why I'm here. I have a lot of experience writing music without words but this is different. I appreaciate how cool everyone is to be honest and also encouraging.

[Deleted User]

Cool song and very interesting chord changes @robcrozier. I enjoy unexpected and unusal chord changes in songs. You executed that well. Nice acoustic guitar work.

Cheers,

Joseph

robcrozier

Thanks, Joseph!