Love
Something out of my control.
I was trapped inside a prison.
You let my heart out on parole.
I understand a few things now,
I learned most of them from you.
I hope you hear this song someday,
Know every word is true.
Love is not a fairytale.
It’s the furthest fuckin thing.
There are rarely happy endings.
Most princes are not kings.
Love is showing up.
Wishing you were somewhere else.
Love is being present.
Even when you hate yourself.
Love will make you prove it.
She’s a bitch like that.
Showing up is half the battle.
That’s how you scratch love’s back.
Love’s not like in the storybooks,
You’ll surely laugh, and cry.
Your tale of love will write itself,
If you’re there, and care, and try.
Love is unconditional.
That means no matter what.
Love is fuckin fickle though.
You’ll fall into some ruts.
Love is working through them.
That part is really hard.
It forces introspection.
It shows you who you are.
Love is lifelong learning,
You won’t like everything you learn.
Love is fighting yearning,
Even when it brightly burns.
Discipline is freedom.
That’s true in countless way.
Most of all, it’s true in love.
You’ll learn that if you stray.
Love is coming back.
Though you never really left.
It’s a promise to be better.
It’s a painful secret kept.
Love ain’t always beautiful,
Even though you are.
No one makes it out unscathed.
Take pride in every scar.
Every wound’s a lesson.
Life is cruel that way.
Love is knowing which to tend,
And which to brush away.
Love is what I feel for you,
More than that, it’s what I do.
I don’t even have to tell you.
I’d do anything for you.
Ask yourself that always.
To sort the fake from real.
At its core, love is sacrifice.
That’s what really seals the deal.
Don’t ask yourself “how do I feel,”
Ask yourself “what would I do?”
If the honest answer’s anything,
You know the love is true.
Allow your heart to guide you,
Steadied always by your brain.
Always trust your instincts.
Never trust the rain.
Always have an open heart,
But keep a steady hand.
Allow your heart to set the beat,
Your mind conducts the band.
When all else fails, remember me.
Remember how I tried.
Remember how I stayed, for you
That night I packed my bags and cried.
That’s love, my shining star, it’s true.
Right now you don’t know better.
If you know one thing, then make it this.
I love you.
Forever.
Comments
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There are some good lines here. I particularly like those opening verses, feels tight.
Overall, there are a lot of verses there. This would likely be quite a long song set to music. The length is up to you, but if you were looking to get this recorded, it might be something to think about.
The structure appears to be all verses of the same/similar pattern. ie no chorus, nor a bridge or variation (that I saw). Especially in a long song, it's helpful to have some variation to break it up a little. The ear gets accustomed to the same pattern and tends to tune out a little. Some songs do have this structure, so it can work, again something to consider. Try mapping it against the structure of a song style you like to give it some variation, with perhaps different # of lines, different # of syllables/line length, or different rhyming schemes in different parts.
I think the verses with "you" in it are the strongest. ie lines like "You let my heart out on parole." It makes it feel more intimate to me. Some of your verses seem a bit abstract. Lines like "Discipline is freedom" doesn't feel like something you would say to a loved one.
In summary, I would suggest trying to condense this down a little, focusing on the more emotional and conversational parts, and adding some variation to the structure.
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This is really helpful feedback. Much appreciated. Thank you!0
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