Octal divinity

bhengen

Words, me, music Suno

Messing around with the concept of eight.

Tried to write two octet verses..

Two suno that I can't decide which is better

https://suno.com/song/baafcecc-2622-49ce-8d2e-b7833ae760cb?sh=ac7mGD447EUEHJ38

https://suno.com/song/281c523b-45a4-449d-a023-20be62d844d1?sh=2eySWpPb4vMKjQCy

[Verse 1]

Echoes from distant past, black energy expanding my mind

Infinitely, as I'm blanketed by dark matter suspended by,

Gravitons unknown, become known, as I see visions of many

Holographic delights surrounding, me astounding me, stopping

Time eternal, blissfully, peaceful, embodied cosmic energy

Change has limits, two modes to four forms to eight trigrams 

Fortune and misfortune a balancing act of cosmic atomicism

Of whirlpools protonic and neutronic dance octal completeness

[Verse 2]

Octal divinity, divisible equality, at the periodical elemental

Table I dine along, with my family, we have chemistry, a strong

Bond that's universal, comforting me to know that my cosmic

Breath is shared amongst the vastness of the universal void

As we grow seamlessly, cellular divides triple double from unity

We are a community of cosmological bands of ethereal musicians

Sending our celestial songs transmitting echoes from distant pasts

ElvisNash

You sure get out there in outer space Bill

bhengen

I just realized that the last verse is only 7 lines not 8 :)

ElvisNash

For a country boy , ya kinda lost me , but sounds cool

Billy_Lunch_Money

Well they were different... I first read the verses without the songs playing and I struggled to find rhythm and rhyme within lyrics. I must be having an off day because it all fell into place.

There are elements I like in both

The first one start as spoken word and developes melody. Is it a half time feel? The bass tone compliments the accoustic guitar very well.

But the second one musically starts off a lot strong with Sitar leading into a folk rock ballard right up to end of the solo. Then it kind of weakens after that.

I'm not sure which I like more either.

bhengen

@Billy_Lunch_Money - thanks for the comment/. sorry, I should have stated that this is for the experimental genre of rock. Spoken word, with an ambient ethereal vibe. when I figure how to use a DAW, i'll be able to better get the sound in my head out.

bhengen

https://suno.com/song/e89d612b-62eb-4ffe-aa58-06e6c9a9d919?sh=DYzqTMRZUh2CUbsd

I set it to 9/8 time.

sounds like a female jack kurac :)

[Verse 1]

Echoes from distant past, black energy, expanding my mind,

Infinitely, as I'm blanketed by dark matter, suspended by,

Gravitons unknown, become known, as I see visions of many,

Holographic delights surrounding me, astounding me, stopping,

Time eternal, blissfully peaceful, embodied cosmic energy.

Change has limits, two modes to four forms, to eight trigrams,

Fortune and misfortune, a balancing act, cosmic atomicism,

Of whirlpools protonic and neutronic dance, octal completeness.

[Verse 2]

Octal divinity, divisible equality, at the periodical elemental,

Table I dine along, with my family, we have chemistry, a strong,

Bond that's universal, comforting me to know that my cosmic,

Breath is shared amongst the vastness of the universal void.

As we grow seamlessly, cellular divides, triple double from unity,

We are a community, cosmological bands of ethereal musicians,

Playing underneath the nebulaic brilliance, as our celestial song,

Is transmitting through spacetime, echoing from distant pasts.

sidshovel

@bhengen I liked the second one with the Sitar, musically it was more complete. Couldn't grasp the meaning of the lyrics so the music gave me something to hold on to! As always, what did that little guy on Rowan an' Martins Laugh-In say, "very interesting....."

RainyDayMan

An interesting piece, if somewhat esoteric. I like the way you have phrases split across lines.

I think I prefer the first version where it evolves from spoken word into music, as that feels like a forward progression to me.

bhengen

https://www.thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/discussion/comment/12031#Comment_12031

Thanks . That was arte johnson, you know he always ended that phrase , very interesting... but stoopid, or dumb :) :) :) :)

bhengen

https://www.thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/discussion/comment/12032#Comment_12032

Thanks for the comment, but I like this version the best

https://suno.com/song/e89d612b-62eb-4ffe-aa58-06e6c9a9d919?sh=DYzqTMRZUh2CUbsd

sidshovel

Forgot about the last bit Bill, vaguely remember the sketch at best!

bhengen

It was a long time ago

TammyB

Your songwriting is so unique, I need a dictionary for your lyrics. It's good because I expand my vocabulary.

I love the fact that you take me to another genre, and it requires my full attention. You are truly one of a kind and I appreciate it!

Which version do I like better?

The first version requires me to stop and pay full attention more. I like the beat, too. (I don't know how to analyze music like most of you all, but I know what I hear/like). :-)

The second version starts like a Western movie, and it was cool. It surprised me when the melody did a complete 180.

A slight advantage for the first version because of the beat.

Keep up the great work!

tombuddy

@TammyB - thanks - did you hear the 3rd version that sounds more like spoken word? this is bill. this my other account I use for testing :)

Skandha

Both very suggestive! I prefer the second version

TammyB

@tombuddy - No, I heard only two versions. The first version sounds like spoken words. This is the one that I chose.

TammyB

This version is my choice

https://suno.com/song/baafcecc-2622-49ce-8d2e-b7833ae760cb?sh=ac7mGD447EUEHJ38

bhengen

https://www.thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/discussion/comment/12049#Comment_12049

I like that as well.. haunting vocals

bhengen

https://www.thesongwritersforum.com/vanilla/discussion/comment/12047#Comment_12047

Thanks for the comment :)

Billy_Lunch_Money

I've listened to all of your different versions and I think I like the very first one most of all!. It builds nicely and leaves you hanging wanting more.

bhengen

@Billy_Lunch_Money - I think that has the most likes on suno