Suddenly, You're Old
Been hacking away at this one for quite some time. My main question is the pronouns in the beginning of each chorus. Are they working for you without confusion? Thanks for any feedback.
Have a blessed day,
Renee
SUDDENLY, YOU’RE OLD
[Verse 1]
Studying my hands; skin weathered, fingers bent
Tears well up inside, wondering where my body went
Of all the things Daddy told me, the one most true:
The older you get the faster time does a job on you, and
[Chorus 1]
You’re old
Suddenly, you’re old
Reaching for someone to hold through the cold an’ lonesome nights
Caught up in life’s ebbs and flows
Another new moon comes and goes
And suddenly you’re old wishing for a way to win the fight
[Verse 2]
‘Cuz it seems like just yesterday we were happy-go-lucky kids
Playin’ ball, ridin’ bicycles, the stolen cigarettes we hid
Hangin’ out at the pool-hall, new kid in town wide eyes, baby-blue
From that first kiss you stole, I fell in love with you
[Verse 3]
Eight short years later at your job you found somebody new
Got married, got a little dog, had a couple ‘a kids, too
Playin’ house with a guitar-slinger, I lost track of the years
Next thing, Mom passed ‘way, shed a boatload ‘a tears, now
[Chorus 2]
We’re old
Suddenly, you’re old
Reaching for someone to hold through the cold and lonesome nights
Caught up in life’s ebbs and flows
Another new moon comes and goes
And suddenly you’re old wishing for a way to win the fight
[Bridge]
So, kick up some dust, kid while you still can
Lazy days and party nights catch up with you
Dreams without legs like castles in the sand
Life gets in the way of all you set out to do, and
[Chorus 1]
You’re old
Suddenly, you’re old
Reaching for someone to hold through the cold an’ lonesome nights
Caught up in life’s ebbs and flows
Another new moon comes and goes
And suddenly you’re old wishing for a way to win the fight
[Verse 4/Tag]
Nowadays, it’s just me and my hound dog, Lucy Rose
She’s a youngster and I love to see her run to and fro
And as I gaze out my kitchen window, branches half-bare
Winter’s on her way sure as the snow-white streaks in my hair, and
…….I’m old.
© 2024 Renee La Chapelle – All Rights Reserved
Comments
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Excellent piece of work Renee,
visuals were stunning and it flowed nicely.
one of your best,
Desrves to be put to music.
Well done indeed.
Sid
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The pronouns seem fine to me Renee. I think it's clear what they mean.
I like the "we're old" in there too. Not only referring to the ex but also includes the listener.
It's a lovely lyric.
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Thank you, @RainyDayMan & @sidshovel truly been working on this one almost a year now on and off. The chorus pretty much remained the same and the Bridge also, but I was really struggling with the verses. I ended up pretty much just telling my own story.
Might send this on into the Great American Song Contest (lyric only category) tho' I am working on the music.
Be nice to win for once in my life, lol! 😂
Thank you again. I thought the pronouns were okay but really was unsure. Thank you for confirming,
Renee
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@RainyDayMan need your opinion, please. As I further tweak this lyric for words and meter, I'm wondering if the opening word 'studying' is the best word or not. What do you think of 'Fixated on'?
Also, song is now up on SoundCloud, but already made a change or two since uploading. I think the chords are okay; used some minors ===> https://soundcloud.com/reneelachapelle/suddenly-youre-old
You don't need to listen to the whole song as it's rather long. Need to work that out, too. I generally like to stay four minutes and under.
Thanks!
Renee
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I prefer "studying" myself, as it feels more conversational, but either could work. Will come back after I've had a listen.
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@RainyDayMan haven't sung the latest version yet with 'fixated on'. Thanks for your opinion. I'm still giving it some thought. I tend to fixate on things that bother me and the opening line actually could use another syllable. Anyway, thank you. No need to listen again.
Renee
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Take a different approach,
Consider.
All the things, they have touched; skin weathered, fingers bent.
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Lol. That's the trouble with songwriting! Ask 10 people you'll get 11 different answers! And all of them with some reasonable point to be made. It's also part of what makes it interesting! There's no right or wrong here. Go with what feels comfortable to you.
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@sidshovel you poet, you! 😍
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You're right RDM, there is no right/wrong, only what feels right to the songs owner.
I read a piece by Jimmy Webb, he was talking about getting stuck writing a song. He said, he often zooms out rather than in, to find the solution to the problem. I have tried it a few times and it does help, worthwhile technique having in your toolbox.
Sid
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