CUT AN' RUN
@sidshovel Thank you, Sid for your earlier feedback on this lyric. Prayerfully, this makes better sense. If not, back to the drawing board. Any thoughts, any one? Does the bridge gel or should it be taken out? And what else might you change? Thanks.
For a listen to acoustic version ====> https://soundcloud.com/reneelachapelle/cut-an-run
Thanks a bunch,
hummer
CUT AN’ RUN
[Verse 1]
Sunday night, Wilhagan’s I was singin’ a sad song
You bought me a double, comin’ on strong
Last call, you invited me to your studio on Music Row
Whispered the dream in my ear then let me go
[Verse 2]
Just when I thought I’d never hear from you again
Friday night, phone rings you on the other end
Said you were in town to see an old friend of yours
The three days you were here remain a blur
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Verse 3]
And I have to admit it surprised me hearin’
Ya’d found a church-goin’ gal to marry an’
While The Lone Star State seems far enough away
I wonder if you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
[Bridge]
Reachin’ for the stars in tattered shoes
Two orphans with pocketful’s of blues
Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun, a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all we’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run.
© 2024 Renee La Chapelle – All Rights Reserved
Comments
-
The chorus came out very well. Got a real sing a long factor.
"Last call" feels a bit squished in there. I think it would sound fine without it.
I like the bridge in there for variation. The words feel a bit out of context with the rest of the song to me - or at least I'm not getting it.
But overall, got a good feeling to it.
1 -
Yes much better Renee.
Building on RDM's comments re the bridge,
I note the change in the chorus from, "you’ve ever done" to "we’ve ever done".
The bridge would be a good point to explain in more detail, why there is that change.
I totally get it, everything is clear in your head, but from a readers/listeners POV, there is a disconnect.
The bridge is the ideal place to clarify that.
You've got yourself a good song here, well played and sung, put the ribbon 'round it and you're good to go!
Well done
Sid
1 -
Hi RDM & Sid. Thank you for your feedback. I might just leave the Bridge out....or go back to the drawing board. But at least the rest of the song has come a long way since posting here on TSF. Thank you! And yes, RDM, I agree "Last call" is not needed and crowds the line. Yep! Just played around with it without 'Last call'....perfect! ☺️
Perhaps this Bridge would make it clearer?
[Bridge]
Reachin’ for the stars in tattered shoes
I was that runaway kid a pocketful ‘a blues
You could say I’d finally met my match
There’s just no catchin’ up to you
hmmmm . . . I think it's clearer, what do you think?
Thanks so much for your honest feedback. Really helps!
Over and out, hummer
0 -
The lyrics are different than the original? I think the music needs to be more cohesive and clearer. Keep on writing and playing.
1 -
Yes, @robwills I suck at the music. Just record on my iphone...but I really enjoy writing lyrics. And was getting help on clarity and cohesiveness on this one. Looking forward to more of what you got!
Renee
0 -
You might suck now but you can get really good in time.
1 -
@robwills too funny. 🤣 Been at it a long time, but as stated I SUCK on the music part and it's beCUZ I'm no musician nor do I really care to be. Just don't have that knack; that innate ability and an UGLY voice at that! But I do love playing with words and I have gotten MUCH better at that!
Thank you for your support,
Renee
0
Howdy, Stranger!