CUT AN' RUN
Gave up on this true story more than a few times. Kept goin' back to the drawing board. My question is does this story feel cohesive to you? And do you get that BOTH of these characters are runners? That's what I was shooting for anyway . . . thanks in advance for any feedback. This will be a song as I have a melody and will post it in this discussion at some point.
Thanks so much,
hummer (Renee aka Rielle . . .) lol!
CUT AN’ RUN
[Verse 1]
You remind me of an orphan-child I once knew
Reachin’ for the stars in tattered shoes
I see your bruises and I see your scars
But I never was good at keepin’ up with fast cars
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Verse 2]
Sunday night, Wilhagan’s I was singin’ a sad song
You bought me a double, comin’ on strong
Should ‘a made a U-turn right then and there
First kiss like the last kiss gave me a scare
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Verse 3]
And I have to admit it surprised me hearin’
Ya’d found a church-goin’ gal to marry an’
While The Lone Star State seems far enough away
I wonder if you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Instrumental] Ooooh, Ooooh . . . .
[Chorus/Tag]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun, a big gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run.
Cut an' run
JUST cut an' run.
© 2024 Renee La Chapelle – All Rights Reserved
Comments
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Hi Renee,
It's not obvious to me that it's both, mainly because of the repeated reference to "you've" in the chorus.
Switch that to "we've" and then you have it.
It could be reinforced later in the line,
"I wonder if you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day" to
"I pray you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day"
A good song though, look forward to hearing it.
Sid
0 -
hmmmm . . . I'll think on it, Perhaps use 'we've versus you've in chorus following V3. So far as praying he'll pull up, I don't, rather the opposite. So far as the chorus following V2, I was hoping the listener would imagine I was speaking to myself, but using 'you' because the V2 is about the author. What a mess I've made for myself! Thus the need for feedback which I truly appreciate.
Back to the drawing board,
hummer
0 -
Ha Ha, you're right,
There's no clearer picture than the one inside your head.
When I first think about a song, I can see a definite pathway it will take in my mind.
That suddenly goes out the window when I start to write. I end up all over the place without realising it.
I think it has something to do with creative flow.
First tool every lyricist should own, a drawing board!
Sid
1 -
Hi Sid, see if this is better. I dumped the dual-runner and went with the following instead:
Thanks again!
hummer
CUT AN’ RUN
[Verse 1]
Sunday night, Wilhagan’s I was singin’ a sad song
You bought me a double, comin’ on strong
Last call, you invited me to your recording studio
Sold me the dream and then let me go
[Verse 2]
Just when I thought I’d never see you again
Telephone rings it’s you on the other end
Said ya’d be in town to see an old friend of yours
The three days you were here remain a blur
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Verse 3]
And I have to admit it surprised me hearin’
Ya’d found a church-goin’ gal to marry an’
While The Lone Star State seems far enough away
I wonder if you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
© 2024 Renee La Chapelle – All Rights Reserved
0 -
Removing the ambiguity from your mind has led to a more clearer and well defined relationship between the two and this comes across in the song now.
Definitely prefer this version Renee.
Sid
0 -
I'm not so big into lyrics but this seems to be a relatable story. I'll definitely listen to the music that goes with it.
1 -
@robwills and I'm the complete opposite; more into the lyrics. When it comes to the music I'm simply not a musician but get by on keeping my songs simple, 3, 4 chords at the most and always wondering what a REAL musician/composer would do with it. I've had a few co-writes in the past that came out really good; much better musically than I could have ever dreamed of doing on my own.
Just noticed, the lyric on this post is not the final or closer to final lyric. Don't know how to point you to it so it's as follows but thinking of taking the Bridge out because there's a disconnect:
CUT AN’ RUN
[Verse 1]
Sunday night, Wilhagan’s I was singin’ a sad song
You bought me a double, comin’ on strong
You invited me to your studio on Music Row
Whispered the dream in my ear then let me go
[Verse 2]
Just when I thought I’d never hear from you again
Friday night, phone rings you on the other end
Said you were in town to see an old friend of yours
The three days you were here remain a blur
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
[Verse 3]
And I have to admit it surprised me hearin’
Ya’d found a church-goin’ gal to marry an’
While The Lone Star State seems far enough away
I wonder if you’ll pull up my drive one rainy day
[Chorus]
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all you’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
[Bridge]
Reachin’ for the stars in tattered shoes
Two orphans with pocketful’s of blues
Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh
Cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Like someone has a gun, a gun to your heart
Searchin’ for the brighter sun
Seems all we’ve ever done is
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run
Cut an’ run
Just cut an’ run.
© 2024 Renee La Chapelle – All Rights Reserved
I hope you weren't too let down with the music and I appreciate you listening,
hummer
0
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