NOBODY AMONG LOTS 'A NOBODIES
Hello there. This is a brand new lyric begging for feedback and suggestions. Thank you!
NOBODY AMONG LOTS 'A NOBODIES
There’s only so much room at the top ten
Only so many seats on the tour bus
There’s only so many groupies to go 'round
If you’re not a country star you’re one of us
CHORUS
I could ‘a been somebody in Nashville,
Tennessee
I should ‘a been somebody it’s pretty plain to see
But the who-ya-knows has always bewildered me
Now, I’m nobody among lots ‘a nobodies
Bobby’s Idle Hour every Thursday night
I might ‘a had my five minutes of fame
I’ve worked every crack an’ crevice in this town
But I never knew how to make myself a name
CHORUS
I could ‘a been somebody in Nashville,
Tennessee
I should ‘a been somebody it’s pretty plain to see
But the who-ya-knows has always bewildered me
Now, I’m nobody among lots ‘a nobodies
BRIDGE
…….But if everybody was somebody
There’d be nobody to be......
Nobody like me
CHORUS
I could ‘a been somebody in Nashville,
Tennessee
I should ‘a been somebody it’s pretty plain to see
But the who-ya-knows has always bewildered me
Now, I’m nobody among
Yeh, I’m nobody among
I’m nobody among lots ‘a nobodies.
©️2024 Renee La Chapelle - All Rights Reserved
Comments
-
Hi Renee,
Great song lyrics, I'm a big fan of writing about simple everyday situations and concepts and this fits into that mold nicely.
With the fandom craze so prevalent on social media, this song hits the mark of reality, well done.
Some points that may be of interest as you move forward:
Starting with pronouns, they are there to indicate POV and/or who's doing the talking, but they can also sound too formal. Try dropping them where they are clearly superfluous to the line. For instance take the chorus;
I could ‘a been somebody in Nashville,
Tennessee
I should ‘a been somebody it’s pretty plain to see
But the who-ya-knows has always bewildered me
Now, I’m nobody among lots ‘a nobodies
This could be changed to:
Could ‘a been somebody in Nashville,Tennessee,
should ‘a been somebody it’s pretty plain to see.
But the who-ya-knows has always baffled me
Now, I’m nobody among lots ‘a nobodies
Now apart from another rhyme at the beginning, could'a/should'a you lose the "I" formality
look to simplify words if possible without losing meaning, bewildered/baffled.
As RDM says, these are "what ifs" and the final call is always yours.
TIP: I always run my lyrics through an Ai song/music generator to hear what it sounds like. This is a great way to find out where you can make improvements quickly. Try Suno Ai, happy to help if you need it.
Sid
0 -
Love all of your suggestions lyrically, Sid. Thank you so much! So far as using A.I., I'd rather not at least for now. Call it the rebel in me.
Have a lovely day,
Renee
0 -
Looking pretty good as is, Renee!
When you get to setting this to music and come to this line: "Now, I’m nobody...." you might try out both "nobody" and "no one" and hear which one sounds better. I think "nobody" feels like it's in the style of the song, but the variation against the "nobodies" could sound better - won't know until you can try it out!
1 -
Thanks a million, Sid and RainyDay! here's the tweaked lyric using some of your suggestions. And I added a verse to re-color the hook a bit . . . you can view the lyric on SoundCloud if ya'd like: https://soundcloud.com/reneelachapelle/nobody-among-lots-a-nobodies
And thanks for pushing me along on this one. Didn't even know if it was a good lyric worth pursuing. You guys changed that!
Have a ROCKIN' weekend,
hummer
0 -
That came together nicely Renee. Got a good feel to it.
1 -
Thank you, Rainy Day! As a non-musician it took me a looooooong time to get a 'good feel'. So your comment means a whole lot to me. My TRUE love is writing lyrics. Sometimes I get on a riptide roll and can't stop....until I'm ready to drop, lol!
Truly thankful,
hummer
0 -
Good job Renee, thanks for the plug on SoundCloud, appreciated.
Sid
1 -
No problem, Sid! This site deserves recognition! There's a lot of folks like me who detest FaceBook, X, etc... and being that they're monopolies, it's getting tougher to find private groups as TWF!
And yes! When I went to sing Nobodies, by taking out the I pronouns as you suggested, man, she sang better instantly!! As well as exchanging bewildered for baffled; MUCH better. Sometimes I forget there's a thing called a thesaurus. Thanks!
0 -
Renee, You're like me, why use one word when six will do. You wouldn't believe how much chopping I get through. Glad it helped.
Useful site if you don't already know,
https://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=seat&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l&org3=y
Sid
1 -
@sidshovel Rhyme Zone is my fave for rhyming and WordHippo, I like for thesaurus! Thanks again, Sid!
0
Howdy, Stranger!