MACHINES
MACHINES
Demo:
https://audiomack.com/jgkojak/song/machines
When the restless children come for the healer man
Seeking absolution on the alter of the land
Though the elders eyes can see the words they cannot hear
Driven from the lonely home to vestibules of fear
Let it go let it go
Let it all go down in flames
Its all just a show
But the names remains the same
When the fires burn brightest at the darkest dawn
And the wanderers wander sleeping on the lawn
In the empty sky appears a single brightest light
All the children run to the sun to survive the night
Let it go let it go
Let it all go down in flames
Its all just a show
But the names remains the same
Well there are no preachers here no wise men of the age
Only these empty books ripped from the page
and the innocent eyes looking for knowledge in the sheen
You can try but you can’t hide from the machine
Let it go let it go
Let it all go down in flames
Its all just a show
But the names remains the same
Comments
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I like how you play keys on this one. The intermediate notes between chords add a lot.
I like the feel of it overall, and the structure.
The lyric is ambiguous to me. And quite possibly that's deliberate, but if you are going for a specific message then it's not coming across to me. Lines like "But the names remains the same" feel generic as there's nothing to link them to directly.
That said, I like the mood of the lyric. And the chorus works for me.
Wasn't sure if you meant alter or altar -either might work here - and both sound the same anyway.
I like what you have so far, but I think it might have more impact if it was a bit more pointed.
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Very emotional singing, and I do appreciate the singing.!
Piano sounds so chill!!!
Has a vibe of folk-rock storytelling, and I am digging your style.
Thanks for this.
Rene
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Yeah, a strong and passionate vocal. I like the lyrics. It needs working up to full arrangement, but you said it's a demo so no crits. You have a good song in the making here.😀
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Howdy, Stranger!