To rest…
The rest is like always…
To rest in thee
Powerful even if I’m weak. A‘
But scared but full of energy
Flying on wings of faith and luck
Yes this is how true love should be
Brick by brick we build a new home
So much to feel so much to learn
Longing for each other every day
So much to see so much to earn
If you kiss me long and tender. A+
I do feel stronger than before
And I know a love like ours
Will grow and will blaze more and more
Each wall will be made of flowers
Every minute will be endless
As long as there is you and me
Oh Darling you’re my holy bless
Late in night or at daylight. B
You mean everything to me
Late at night or in sunlight
I’ll be there anytime
To rest in thee
Feeling the heat. C
Your body next to mine
Feeling the heat
Through a summer rain
Feeling the heat
Your body next to mine
You’re my aim, my perfect gain
Without you you would go insane
Brick by brick we build a new home. A*
And all old scars now start to heal
Longing for each other every day
-and even through the coldest night-
So much to see so much to feel
©️by Ian P./ •08-reworked 21.10.24/for: VALENTINE+B and fpeee…
Comments
-
Hi RK
This one sounded more of a religious lament rather than a love song.
The use of vintage words and phrases compounded the "holy" feel.
Good, but in this case, it came across more of a poem than a love song.
You mentioned before that English is not your first language, so I do applaud your effort.
My advice would be to steer clear of this style of English as it is extremely difficult to get right in the context of a song rather than a poem at the best of times.
Thanks for posting.
Sid
0 -
Thanks Sid, I must say this really is a hard one for me but somehow I got the feeling that I had to write it. At least try it. And that’s usually when I am about to write songlyrics. Poems are not that kind of hard work and I guess that’s why I’m still trying to make this one work even if it’s not my best piece of work.
But I am fascinated by that fact that you think it’s „too holy“. I have to think about that.
Thanks for your feedback and time!
RK0 -
To be fair RK, I am probably being unduly influenced by a few words and phrase which stuck and influenced my mindset.
Let me explain,
The first line "To rest in thee", words like thee, thou, thy, etc are firmly entrenched in both religious and pre-Victorian era's songs. The use in the first line is going to set a precedent which, like it or not, will be difficult to shake off in listeners minds. In a couple of other spots this is reinforced,
"Flying on wings of faith and luck"
Again, "To rest in thee" pops up
"Oh Darling you’re my holy bless"
Not much I know, but maybe enough to influence, as it did me.
You say at the start it is a love song, and having gone through it a couple of times more, it certainly is, and a good one too! My advice is, unless you are deliberately aiming for a religious or poetic feel, steer clear of the "thou, thee and thy's" their influence is completely disproportionate to the size of the words!
On revision, a much better piece than I gave it credit for, my apologies RK
Sid
0 -
Hey,
It’s all good and I do understand what you talk about. It has always this kind of connection to words like „thy“ most famous for „thy will be done“ (a very good song by a Norwegian gospel writer, I like to sing it). And I guess that’s it, where the „rabbit sits in the pepperfield“ (we here say it like this) means the core of the thing. If I remember write I got influenced by this song thy will be done when it was first introduced to our own gospel choir and I took it as a task to learn and deal with those old English words, maybe not fully clear in my mind about the fact that it’s so closely linked to the religious stuff. My bad, but you see everytime I’m introduced to something that lights up my interest, I dive down in this learning, working as much and as good as I can mode. I want to try and work with it myself, and I guess that’s why I put it this way.
I still think these lyrics have something as a poem, yeah, but also as a song and there’s it once again…I just have to make it work, I think you’ll understand. And btw, yes I come from a Christian background and am part of our gospel choir since almost 25 years, even if my health status doesn’t allow me to sing atm. But I once shared the stage with great stars of European and international gospel music and also been a part of a choir for sir Edwin Hawkins. It was a very special feeling.
But I also do understand if ppl aren’t that much into all this stuff. Everyone the way he/she/it likes! And I can tell you I’m also not a typical going-to-church guy.
Thanks again
RK0 -
Thanks for getting back RK, and for sharing your background. Our history and lives are the biggest influence on our songs. As a matter of fact, I like Gospel music, American Gospel Choirs, Whitney Houston learned to sing in her local choir. Also the English choir Libera, enjoy listening to their work too! I hear what you are saying about learning something new and diving right in, nothing wrong in that, do it myself often. Why not write a hymn! I wrote a song called "My Mary Magdelene" https://audius.co/sidshovel/my-mary-magdalene.
So why not give it a go, write a hymn/ballad, post it on here and I'll use Ai to put it to music and post it on Audius for you to hear it, how about it?
Great talking to you RK.
Sid
0 -
Writing together? Mhh we can give it a try. As soon as I find myself in the mood for gospel and prais I’ll try to write something and send it to you. Maybe you have some ideas on your sleeve and AI technology will make it work. I ve never been one of those technical persons. Like I said here before, I love sitting by or on the piano (can’t play, just to compose the chords I want) and work things out. I had a great vocal teacher who was also a singer songwriter herself, and we worked a lot together. Owen has heared her, sent him a few songs in the great Joni Mitchell style.
Btw here is the link to the song I was talking about. Hope you can open it.
https://youtu.be/PqqdUBOUEY8?si=MXnEzHhflb4HeEPb
Thanks Sid, it’s always nice to talk about the musical background. And even though I grew up with the English language, my first English teacher said to my mum: your son is totally free of talent if it comes to the English language….whoooozzzaaa! 😅0 -
I won't clutter up your thread any more. Did open it and I can see why you liked it, very good.
Bye for now
Sid
0
Howdy, Stranger!