Lets (Walk The Universe)
Righty this is my first post this year. I've had this hanging around in part for couple of years as little ditty. It Initally only had four lines and could have been quite dark. It wasn't until I saw the first episode of an anime "Grandpa and Grandma Turn Young Again" that inspired me to go in a different direction. Now it has a whopping total of eight lines.😆. For me this was more of an exercise into using VST instruments and it turned out pretty close to what I had imagined for it. There's still room for improvment, so any and all suggestion will be greatly appreciated.
https://soundcloud.com/billy_lunch_money/lets-walk-the-universe
COPYRIGHT 2023 (Oz Clarke)
Lets take a walk among the trees,
Just you and I and feel the breeze.
Lets take the path down to the sea,
and dip our toes... if you please.
Lets sit and watch the sun go down
As it quenches out in the sea.
And final walk un-der the stars
Just you and I hand in hand.
Comments
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Hi,
I'm far from your target audience with this genre, but nevertheless, I really loved your music, it is excellent and I enjoyed it very much.
Sid
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would also say this is not me, lol, but i would also say when the music's like this happy lyrics don't work, the music puts ppl in a certain mood then they hear your talking a nice walk to the sea?
how about;
i saw you walking down by the trees,
didn't know it was gonna be.
the last time anyone ever saw you,
but i guess now your free.
You said you couldnt take it anymore,
In the note you left by the tree,
but i guess we'll never really know,
i just wish you would have told me.
now thats dark and fits the music, lol
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That's a nice set of dark lyrics there and I'm sorry if there's any confusion here. I have to point out this song is out of "the norm" for me. I think people on here know I'm a total "MetalHead"🤣 Dark and gloomy down tuned guitars is "Ma Thang." With this song, I fancied a change of gear and I was looking for something quite brite and positive for a change. Admittedly I'm still struggling with the lyrics. I think I've got a bit of "Writer's Block!"
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Target audience? Well, count me in. I think this track is brilliant. My only wish is that the vocals were just a bit louder. I think you've done yourself proud here.😀
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Really moody and atmospheric! Upping the vocals as Chris suggested would be a good thing.
Only 8 lines, but it really filled out the song. Didn't feel like it was dragging at all.
Good stuff!
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Thanks for the complements guys. It's odd though, I'd already taken it down once for a lack of vocal volume... Bet I up loaded the same file again!? Anyway, I'm still looking for a bit of input, fresh perspective... I'm not happy with the last three lines... Since they don't rhyme like the rest and certainly don't feel as fluid as the rest and there's the's the title. I'm just drawing blanks here.
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It's for me 😃 I enjoyed it......enjoyed the vibe. I agree with others on raising the vocal track.
IDK, I kinda get a Coldplay feel from it. That's a compliment btw 😃
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I like this a lot and yes the vocals need to come up some.
Kicking the lines around from this...
You said you couldnt take it anymore,
In the note you left by the tree
but i guess we'll never really know,
i just wish you would have told me
I offer this to mull over..
You said you couldn't take it anymore
In the note you left by the door/or/ your note said you'd settle the score
Unsure if well every really know
You're gone now left our show.
Those are quick inputs not really knowing where you were initially going with it. Tough to change someone's words.0 -
All this is done with VST? I gotta get me some lol
This was really well put together. I do like the lyrics as I can envision this as a part of the whole where the song moves into this ethereal plane from a more vibrant melody and rhythm.
Let's see what you make of this.
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It was mostly "Virtual Studio Technology" but the accoustic guitar is really.
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"Is really" 😆 I mean it's a real guitar. One of these days I'll learn to proof read things before I post them!
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ooo, pretty, draws you in. I found myself out there...in the stars
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@Billy_Lunch_Money Thanks for the nfo. I'm looking into fruityloops and a couple others...
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Hola, it's a beautiful song, having a smell of sadness wrapping beautiful landscapes. Nice lyrics.
I think you could touch up the mix? On my headphones the guitars sound very loud compared to the rest of the instruments and especially the voices.
I love the intro, very ethereal, it prepares the ear to listen. @Billy_Lunch_Money
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Thanks guys. I think i was a bit of a rushed mixed. I have updated since, but I haven't up loaded to sound cloud as of yet.
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