New song...would greatly appreciate feedback.
had this one around for a while but could never finish the lyrics. still not quite happy with them but i'm ready to post it and put it behind me. thanks in advance for listening!
Gone are the days
The endless days of summer
There’ll never be another
Time so full of grace
These are the days
Of quiet desperation
The end of times revelations
written on your face
Here we are
Ruled by superstition and a gun
And i'm gonna hit someone
Hear them now
the bells are tolling hell hounds at your door
Face down and hit the floor
they surely know
we're headed for perdition
A new spanish inquisition
with a southern twang
So lock all your doors
And hide away your secrets
It’s time to right your wrongs
And start singing different songs
Look around
The shadow grows and fear blocks out the light
but it’s such a lovely night
See the glow
Of burning books and distant firefights
Man it’s such a lovely light
Let’s all bow our heads and we’ll hear the story
I’m draped by the flag smothering in glory
Comments
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I'm guessing the contrast between the upbeat music and the depressing lyric is very deliberate. The music has the "endless days of summer feel".
I can't see any particular problem spots in the lyric, it all feels quite cohesive. I like the prosody of it. Some cutting phrases there. Gives the impression of a forced smile over seething anger.
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I think this is really good, lyrically and musically. The contrast between the upbeat music and the lyric works very well. You get your point across subtly without being obscure. The advantage of the subtle approach, apart from the fun of having to apply some thought to the lyric, is that the people you seem to be describing are mostly too stupid to understand, so they can't be offended. Unless I'm too stupid to understand, of course, and it's really about people like me lol.
The only suggestion I have is that I don't think "smothering" can be an intransitive verb. "Smothered in glory" might work better.
Enjoyed this a lot.
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its pretty dark , sign of the the times , good job . I guess enlighten the world or give them the truth
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Hi @jrandolph
I got an slightly Kinks vibe from this which is a decidedly good thing in my book. An effective juxtaposition of music and lyrics - which are pleasingly bitter and cutting. A good introduction of the strings and guitar so see out the song. It will be interesting to hear what you do to transition this from 'demo' to 'complete'.
CCB
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Thanks for listening! Yes, the contrast in intentional. I don't normally listen to happy poppy music so it's strange how that's the type of stuff that plays in my head at 4am.
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Thanks so much for the feedback! i didn't start out intentionally to make any points. the first two verses are/were about getting old but then the rest somehow turned into the handmaid's tale :)
as for smothering, i never was no good with english lol. it's certainly a mouthful. thanks for the pointer!
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Thank you! i'll have to go listen to the kinks now. i only know their radio hits. Thanks again for your time and thoughts!
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hola @jrandolph
It's a nice song but the sound and rhythm give a light atmosphere, a sunny color that contrast a lot with lyrics.
By the the rest it sounds really good!!!
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This packs a punch with a strong message. I really like the lyrics and the music. The contrast between the dark lyrics and light music is interesting. I think I like it! A video would make this even more powerful, but I truly like it as is. Excellent!
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Muchas Gracias Mora!
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Thank you so much! My son has started learning to create/edit videos so we'll see...would like to explore making videos with him. Thanks again!
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Howdy, Stranger!