Crossed the line
Words me, Music - Suno
https://suno.com/song/7917b88a-5e41-4697-a3fc-b1652ca96ded?sh=VuiRyi3tyUE4yUSR
Revised 9th and vine
[Verse 1]
A man with weathered skin, tattered coat,
Standin' on this street corner, from shadows
Cannot cope, nope, so he screams obscenities,
He's poundin', screamin', angry words no meaning
He wants every word, heard, yet message obscured.
He doesn't care, that we, aren't listening, so
He continues ranting, I can't hear what he's saying,
Over my radio playin', while waiting at the light
[Chorus]
Between 9th and vine, He crossed the line
Into traffic, and I saw, sitting in my car,
Commotion, emotion, happenin' in front of me
Madness, sadness, tormented insanity
[Verse 2]
Now in the street, bangin on windows of cars
Spewing hateful words, obscenities
He's angry at god, and the empty man he sees
Tearing his beard, throws hands to sky, he cries
Inner turmoil on his skin, yells we've all sinned
He's jesus resurrected, as it was prophesized
And I realized that, he could be me, easily
A late payment, foreclosed, divorce, anything
[Chorus]
Between 9th and vine, He crossed the line
Into traffic, and I saw, sitting in my car,
Commotion, emotion, happenin' in front of me
Madness, sadness, tormented insanity
[Outro]
In a moment of clarity, sanity, I left my car
Offered him some of my serenity, humanity,
For that moment, he was grateful, that he,
Felt the need to hug me, we embraced, until,
The police came and took him away, that day,
I'll never forget, forever blazed, on my heart
Comments
-
Good revision Bill, liked the first, loved the second.
0 -
@sidshovel - thanks.. not a fan of hip-hop, but was curious to see if I could write it..
0 -
Nice slice of life song. Vivid. I like it. Have you thought of adding some traffic sound effects? Easy to do with free clips to be found on the web.
0 -
@OnlyGavin - thanks for the comments. Good suggestion, I'll look into it. thanks :)
0 -
You guys can sure crank them out on Suno , takes me weeks for a song
Yes the poor homeless guy and mental illness
Sounds good man
0 -
@ElvisNash - thanks.. sad fact not matter where you are. I don't think there is any city that's not immune.
0 -
Yup they're every where . lost their mind , hopeless eating in garbage cans
0 -
it's quite sad.. all it takes is one event and anybody could end up that way
0 -
Mental Illness drugs and booze
0 -
There was one day when i was at mcdonalds feeding my fat face, while a i waiting in the drive through, a homeless woman was having a full-on conversation with whatever she imagined sitting next to her .
0 -
Thanks :) It's all about the beat. You can have the most profound lyrics, but if your timing is off, then it's all for nought.
1 -
Congrats Bill on trying out the new format. I think you got it just right.
1 -
Thanks. that was fun, i
0 -
There's billions of people like that . Hooked on drugs and suffer mental illness . The homeless problem has only gotten worse , tent city in every city
0
Howdy, Stranger!