Skin so thin

remfire · March 25

it's been a while . but i'm writing again . i've kept following the forum . and listened to a lot of your music . my bad english is really a hurdle i have to overcome . so don't be too critical

Got a suno version of it

https://on.soundcloud.com/CwLheX5mowXDKFwM6

Verse

Scars make my skin go thin
So thin you can look deep Whitin .
Like a window you can look thru
And you , if will let you
A eyeglass to look in my head
Why i’ m happy or sad

Chorus

So much said
So much done
Some scars won’t
wash away
Like a lamp
on a pole
The cirle
always stay

Verse

As clear as glass hard and flat
My words will sound to you
My scars run So deep.
It’s time to tell the truth

Chorus

So much said
So much done
Some scars won’t
wash away
Like a lamp
on a pole
The cirle
Will always stay

Verse

I won’t run i won’t hide From freedom
it’s always worth To fight for your live
As my skin feels tide And thin
as they try To look deep whitin

Chorus

So much said
So much done
Some scars won’t
wash away
Like a lamp
on a pole
The cirle
Will always stay

Verse aan

All my love all my anger and pain
My skin so thin it will sine thru
So much colors you will see
Deep in here you’ll find me

A skin so thin
A skin so thin

bhengen · March 25

Great lyrics. some misspellings whitin should be within. sine should be shine. if will let you - should be it will let you. cirle - should be circle. as one who writes abstract lyrics, not following the flow of the chorus, especially the last 4 lines. the pole is a fixed object, but the circle is endless, constantly repeating. How is the circle like a pole? There might be a translation issue when converting from your language to English. can you please post the lyrics in your language also? Thanks.

remfire · March 25

It’s more that the light has to be high to form a circle . But when i think about it . It can be low also .So i can lose the pole .
Dutch is not your thing we got about 3 words for everything.

Thanks for your comment bhengen

bhengen · March 25

@remfire - now that makes sense. your speaking in terms of the what's being cast from the lamp.. you could say - ,like the light / from the lamp pole / the circle / will always stay -

sidshovel · March 25

While I'll bow to Bill's greater experience and knowledge of this genre, suffice to say I enjoyed your song.

Well done and thanks for posting @remfire

Sid

RainyDayMan · March 25

Nice! I particularly like the verses.

I had trouble with "the circle" in the chorus too. I think "circle of light" or, as Bill had it, "like the light from..." will make it clearer that it's the light making the circle.

But the rest felt very smooth.

ElvisNash · March 26

Your kinda going sideways on verse 3 , adding freedom , I would think its just a personal angle on scars . I would not keep repeating your skin is thin , We got that from v1 already . Is there a way to elevate the person in the song ?

ElvisNash · March 26

We all go thru hell , getting above circumstances is always a good idea lyrically

Skin so thin

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